Couples Therapy for Power and Control Issues in Pasadena, CA

Power struggles can quietly drain a relationship. Decisions feel one‑sided, small requests turn into big standoffs, and both partners may feel misunderstood or undervalued. Over time, patterns of control—subtle or overt—can erode trust, safety, and teamwork.

Rakel Delevi is an evidence‑based couples therapist in Pasadena, CA who uses the Gottman Method to help partners share influence, communicate clearly, and create fair, sustainable agreements. Her approach is practical, collaborative, and grounded in research on what helps couples thrive.

Questions or ready to connect? Call 310‑993‑3640 or use the contact form.

What Power Imbalance Can Look Like

• One‑sided decision‑making about spending, schedules, parenting, or social life
• Emotional labor imbalance: one partner tracks tasks, plans, and reminders without acknowledgment
• Household or childcare load that feels unfair and hard to discuss
• Communication patterns like criticism, defensiveness, or stonewalling that shut down dialogue
• Financial control or gatekeeping access to information or choices
• Pressure around intimacy or affection that leaves one partner feeling unheard
• Boundary pushing: dismissing “no,” minimizing feelings, or changing rules unilaterally
• Escalation cycles where small topics become recurring conflicts

Why Power Struggles Arise

Control dynamics rarely come from one moment. They often reflect:

• Family‑of‑origin models of who decided what and how conflict was handled
• Stress and bandwidth that make quick unilateral decisions feel “easier”
• Unspoken expectations about roles, gender norms, or culture
• Attachment needs for safety, autonomy, or closeness
• Gridlock around core values where compromise feels impossible

Without a safe, structured way to talk, couples can get stuck in patterns that reinforce power imbalances. With support, partners can shift from “who wins” to “how do we win together.”

How Therapy Helps with Power and Control

Drawing on the Gottman Method and other evidence‑based tools, therapy with Rakel focuses on:

• Sharing influence: developing habits that ensure both partners’ voices matter in decisions
• Repairing communication: replacing criticism and defensiveness with curiosity and clarity
• Boundaries and consent: setting respectful limits and honoring “no” without punishment
• Fairness frameworks: creating role agreements that feel equitable (not necessarily equal)
• De‑escalation and repair: learning to pause, self‑soothe, and re‑engage productively
• Values‑aligned planning: grounding choices in shared principles and long‑term goals

What to Expect in Sessions

• Collaborative assessment of strengths, pressure points, and current decision patterns
• Clear goals (e.g., fewer standoffs, shared routines, more balanced responsibilities)
• Structured conversations to ensure each partner is heard and understood
• Actionable agreements with follow‑through plans and gentle accountability
• Ongoing calibration as life circumstances shift

Skills and Tools You May Learn

• Influence checklist: steps to invite, consider, and incorporate your partner’s perspective
• Decision‑making map: when to consult, when to consent, and when to seek consensus
• Roles and responsibilities audit that balances time, energy, and preference
• Boundary scripts that keep limits clear without blame (“Yes/No/Not Now/Under These Conditions”)
• Repair attempts and time‑out plans to prevent escalation
• Weekly or monthly check‑ins to revisit agreements and adjust fairly

Support for Your Situation

• Premarital alignment on roles, expectations, and decision styles
• New parent transitions and rebalancing the load at home
• Entrepreneurship or demanding careers that strain time and attention
• Blended families and complex coordination across households
• Cultural and interfaith considerations around authority, care, and tradition
• Major life changes: moves, health shifts, caregiving, or retirement planning

Important safety note: Couples therapy is appropriate for relationship patterns where both partners can engage safely. If there is ongoing violence, threats, or coercive control, specialized support is recommended. You can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1‑800‑799‑7233 or visit thehotline.org for confidential help.

Frequently Asked Questions

Will Rakel take sides?

Her role is to support the relationship by making space for both partners’ perspectives, increasing mutual influence, and guiding you toward fair, workable agreements.

Can therapy fix a deeply entrenched power dynamic?

Many couples experience meaningful shifts by improving communication, honoring boundaries, and creating clear agreements. When safety concerns or abuse are present, individual and specialized resources are the priority.

How many sessions will we need?

It varies based on your goals and patterns. Some couples notice progress within a few months; others choose longer‑term work to reinforce new habits.

Does sharing power mean everything is 50/50?

Not necessarily. Fairness is often about equitable arrangements that consider time, strengths, stress, and values—not strict equality in every task.

Does she take insurance?

Rakel Delevi is an out‑of‑network provider. If you plan to use out‑of‑network benefits, please check your plan’s mental health coverage and reimbursement policies.

Serving Pasadena, CA and the Surrounding Area

Rakel works with couples in Pasadena, California and nearby communities across the San Gabriel Valley and greater Los Angeles area. If you’re ready to move from standoffs to shared leadership, support is available.

Contact

Phone: 310‑993‑3640 

Contact form